Don't love me transactionally, please.

Reflecting on friendships and Rapport with NPCs in Lost Ark

Valentine’s day is a tough one for gamers. 

Every year, a dilemma presents itself for those of us who are married or dating: Should I skip playing for the day and spend the whole day with my loved one? Or could I squeeze in half an hour of controller time while they are preoccupied? Let’s be honest; we try our utmost to squeeze in a game or two if we can get away with it, even if it is just Pokemon Go! It’s true, we love games, and sometimes, we rather hang out with NPCs¹ than real people. 

Last weekend, along with 1.3 million concurrent players, I loaded up Lost Ark and began my warrior-gunlancer² adventure in Arkesia. This game is massive and deep, and after 14 hours, I still can’t believe it is free. After I had pretty up my character, the game dropped me into the city of Prideholme, and I found a city filled with NPCs and people to talk to. As it turns out, building friendships or rapport with NPCs is an essential part of the game. The higher your rapport meter goes up with NPCs, the more benefit you gain to your character. 

Gaining rapport with an NPC could involve assisting them on their quest, giving them gifts, playing them a song, or even doing emotes around them. In one of the earlier encounters, I met Neria, who wanted to be a good cook and part of my assistance was to tell her whether her cooking was good or not. Let’s just say that her food was best served to your enemies, and yet I felt I needed to give her two thumbs up if I wanted to move my friend meter from neutral to amicable. Suffice to say, I should’ve just played her more songs than to encourage her to pursue her Top Chef dream.

In the real world, the mechanic of friendship and love is much more complicated than the “I give you this, and you give me this” type of relationship. True friendships and love are not built on transactions. If it were so, everyone would be lying to each other’s faces all the time just so they can maintain the benefits from each other. Of course, you can be dishonest to an NPC in a game, but genuine friendship and love demand much more from both parties in real life. 

Jesus says this in John 15 12-13, 

“This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

I think Jesus sees clearly the relational failures of sinful human beings. We are self-centred people who will often look at what is best for me first, and if it is worth it, then so will the relationship. It is a contract rather than what Jesus commanded, which is self-sacrifice. 

Jesus exemplified this point literally in that he gave his life on the cross for us. And all humanity across time who choose to believe and place their faith in Him are called his friend and adopted family. Jesus gave it all for all of us. 

Today, we might not be jumping in front of a speeding train to save our friend. But we are called to love our friends by giving up things that put us first. It might mean giving up our preference for the kind of Korean dramas we watch with them, or maybe it is to forgo a double XP boost weekend in Warzone in order to walk the mall with your loved one. 

Love always calls us to give up something, and if we can’t even give up something small as gaming time or choice of movies, how can we expect ourselves to give up our lives for our friends when the time comes? How would your loved one know that you would be willing to give it all up for them? 

If you can’t give up the trivial preferences, will you be able to give up the costlier choices? What if it is your career or job that is killing your marriage? Do you choose your mortgage over your sacred oath to your spouse? What if it is pride that is holding you back from getting help for your addiction or mental illness, and it is causing tensions with your friends? Could you put down your pride so that healing can begin for you and everyone around you?  

Mutual self-giving is a mark of true friendship, as Christ has shown to us and His church. It is countercultural compared to our culture marked by self-preservation and treats others like NPCs. 

How are your friendships and marriages today? Do they reflect how Christ loves you and me? Let’s make a turn this Valentine’s [week] to be a better friend and spouse!

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 
- Romans 12:10

1. Non-Playable Character.

2. You find me, Superesc, on the West America server, Akkan.